You want some blow?

Throughout my school years my friends and I use to always have an argument that Steven Seagal could kick Jean Claude Van Damme’s ass back to Brussels.  It was obviously conversation of the highest calibre with intelligent and valid points.  All of which proving that indeed if they meet in the heat of battle, Seagal’s superior Aikido skill would dominate Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg aka Jean-Claude Van Damme’s flimsy karate and kick boxing skills.

Sure, Seagal may run like a 12 year old girl who has just spilt yogurt on her pink skirt and is running home to have mummy clean it off.  BUT, and there is a huge butt (that’s not a spelling mistake he does have a massive ass).  This man can truly act. Well actually, when I say “truly act” I really mean; stand in front of a camera with a sweet look pony tail, hold a steely gaze and deliver one liners like “The whole god dam platform’s a tiiiiimmmmmeee bomb”.

With this natural ability to act, has also come the ability to generate block buster, after ball busting block buster action movies.  The critical acclaim these movies have received over the years has even put the second best action star of all time to shame, the great ginger ninja Chuck Norris! For instance this critics quote from the Northwest Herald via Rotten Tomatoes when reviewing “On Deadly Ground” states: Just what the world needs, environmental lessons from Steven Seagal. Exactly, this man hunk of a fighting machine can do it all!

So without any further hints of sarcasm and mucho love for Seagal lets get into naming his best ever movies.

Under Siege

Marked for Death

Above the Law

On Deadly Ground

Out for Justice

Exit Wounds

The Patriot

The Glimmer Man

Hard to Kill

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory

Could this pony tail panther beat Van Damme? Oh yes!

I'm so hot right now!

Chuck Norris has undoubtedly gained a massive cult following.  However this is not really from the dedicated Walker Texas Ranger fans that dissect, analyse and blog about ever round house or uppercut thrown. No.  This following is more from the people who take enjoyment at laughing at the numerous jokes circulating about his toughness.

However as Chuck I’m sure would agree, there can only be one….or maybe ten but with a number one.  

1. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
2. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
3. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
4. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
5. Chuck Norris does not wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
6. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
7. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.
8. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.
9. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
10. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.

Come out to the coast, we'll have a few laughs...

1. Bruce Willis
2. Arnold Schwarzenegger
3. Sylvester Stallone
4. Jackie Chan
5. Mel Gibson
6. Stevan Segal
7. Chuck Norris
8. Jean-Claude Van Damme
9. Harrison Ford
10. Bruce Lee