Top Ten Alternative Uses For Vuvuzela’s

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An image of the infamous Vuvuzela in full noise at a football stadium

The drone!

Some people have said the modern day Vuvuzela’s have been the best thing to happen to the atmosphere of sports events since Moises Garcia invented the Mexican Wave at the bullfighting arena Plaza de Toros de Santander back in the 1930’s.

Clearly those people are idiots and they do not understand the implications Vuvuzela’s have on the game such as;

  • Killing the atmosphere which responds to the eb and flow of a game
  • The singing and chanting banter is nullified
  • Ability to effectively direct abuse at the referee
  • A deafening drone
  • People are being thrown into violent flashbacks to The Swarm circa 1978…..well maybe not that but I’m sure Micheal Caine of Swarm fame may have wet his pants a couple of times watching the world cup.

Anyway, we have been pondering some other uses for the Vuvuzela during the world cup:

  1. She-Wee: If you are unsure of this and have the imagination of a rock then check it out here –

  3. Leg Stump For One-Legged Pirates: Poor pirates will never have to go without ever again.
  4. Fog Horn: Now this something that could really become the one-legged Pirates equivalent of a swiss army knife.  Just wip it off in Fog and away you go.
  5. Snorkel: Preferably not after being used for a She-wee.
  6. Road Cones: With road cones costing so much these days, why not utilise the undoubtedly inordinate amount of abandoned Vuvu’s.
  7. Petrol Funnel: Simple but efficient, never spill a drop again.
  8. Party Hat: Just get some string and punch two holes in wide end of the Vuvuzela and then away you go.  Party time you crazy cool cat or commonly known as a cock.
  9. Hearing Device: Hard of hearing after too much football World Cup action? Well make the Vuvuzela pay back the hearing it took from you. Just don’t use in tight spaces or crowds.
  10. Stilts for Dwarfs: Never again shall dwarfs walk around at knee height, No! Strap these onto your shoes and you will be knocking on 5 feet in no time!
  11. Beer Bong: Obvious, but we thought we had better get it in this list somewhere.

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