Have you been the victim of cheap, crappy and completely unwanted Christmas gifts or are you that tight ass little son of a gun who takes pleasure in dealing them out? Well there has been a concerning trend over the past few years in crappy gifts and this post aims to expose those shitty presents that make your Christmas a little more shitter. That sentence might not make any sense but I don’t care, it was written in the pure rage left over from last years round of gifts.
Also if anyone viewing this post thinks that Christmas is more than just presents and eating your weight in food then please do not continue to read any further.
- Don’t Get a Crappy Christmas Present This Year – Buy The Latest Kindle
- Homemade Christmas gifts – If someone gives you a paper mache model of their own face because it “comes from the heart”. You should burn it, take the ashes, combine it with plaster of paris and give it back t0 them for their birthday as a faux pet rock called “Bob”.
- Milli Vanilli Tape – I’m not talking about receiving this in 1988 when those crazy German “singers” were hot, I’m talking about getting a tap of these guys in 2005. True story.
- Free items as a Gift – Oh what do you know it’s the “Budweiser” t-shirt I always wanted.
- Soap On A Rope – The 1970’s called, they want their present back. This gift did however see a sharp decline in shower related “incidents” at jails across the world.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Drink Bottle – Pretty self explanatory really.
- Last Years Calendar – Unless you are Marty McFly living next to a mad professor this is really not going to come in handy and I don’t give a shit about the pretty pictures of the Yorkshire Dales.
- Deodorant – Either they think you smell or believe you are partially retarded and have never heard of a supermarket before.
- Tony Robbins Personal Coaching DVD Box Set – I could think of no other way I would want to spend the holidays, no hang on, I have a spare fork and an eye wanting to be stabbed.
- Neon Green Fanny Pack – This screams of a 1990’s drug dealer mixed in with a heady brew of lost German tourists looking for “und Elvis Presley”.
- Fuzzy Dice – If this has to do with making your car lucky then I would rather take the risk of not having them. Even Wikipedia does not really no why.