Top Ten Chuck Norris Jokes

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An image of Chuck Norris standing in front of an American Flag with two izu guns in each hand

I'm so hot right now!

Chuck Norris has undoubtedly gained a massive cult following.  However this is not really from the dedicated Walker Texas Ranger fans that dissect, analyse and blog about ever round house or uppercut thrown. No.  This following is more from the people who take enjoyment at laughing at the numerous jokes circulating about his toughness.

However as Chuck I’m sure would agree, there can only be one….or maybe ten but with a number one.  

  1. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  2. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
  3. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  4. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
  5. Chuck Norris does not wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
  6. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
  7. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.
  8. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.
  9. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  10. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.

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  1. October 16, 2009  6:56 pm by Auckland Girl Reply

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

    • October 17, 2009  8:13 pm by The Quick Ten Reply

      hahahahaha, it's never ending when it comes to Chuck!

  2. January 18, 2011  3:17 pm by (Insert name here) Reply

    Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death is just too scared to tell him.

    • January 18, 2011  4:22 pm by Quick Ten Reply

      That is one we have not heard! Brilliant!

  3. March 11, 2011  8:10 am by ATLRABB19 Reply

    Chuck Norris once gave a box of watches to a group of kids...They're now known as the Power Rangers

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