You want some blow?

Throughout my school years my friends and I use to always have an argument that Steven Seagal could kick Jean Claude Van Damme’s ass back to Brussels.  It was obviously conversation of the highest calibre with intelligent and valid points.  All of which proving that indeed if they meet in the heat of battle, Seagal’s superior Aikido skill would dominate Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg aka Jean-Claude Van Damme’s flimsy karate and kick boxing skills.

Sure, Seagal may run like a 12 year old girl who has just spilt yogurt on her pink skirt and is running home to have mummy clean it off.  BUT, and there is a huge butt (that’s not a spelling mistake he does have a massive ass).  This man can truly act. Well actually, when I say “truly act” I really mean; stand in front of a camera with a sweet look pony tail, hold a steely gaze and deliver one liners like “The whole god dam platform’s a tiiiiimmmmmeee bomb”.

With this natural ability to act, has also come the ability to generate block buster, after ball busting block buster action movies.  The critical acclaim these movies have received over the years has even put the second best action star of all time to shame, the great ginger ninja Chuck Norris! For instance this critics quote from the Northwest Herald via Rotten Tomatoes when reviewing “On Deadly Ground” states: Just what the world needs, environmental lessons from Steven Seagal. Exactly, this man hunk of a fighting machine can do it all!

So without any further hints of sarcasm and mucho love for Seagal lets get into naming his best ever movies.

Under Siege

Marked for Death

Above the Law

On Deadly Ground

Out for Justice

Exit Wounds

The Patriot

The Glimmer Man

Hard to Kill

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory

Could this pony tail panther beat Van Damme? Oh yes!

Big Cinema punch for a fraction of the cost! Thank you Samsung

Are you looking to take your love for the movies that step further and bring it home in a big way by getting the latest Home Theater System? Sure you could maybe go out and buy some; socks, a box, buttons and some scissors to create your very own hand puppet show to entertain you and your friends.  But then they would probably point and laugh at you and call you weird and no body wants that.

So how do you choose the best Home Theater System that will give you: great sound quality, enough bass to make you fill queasy and a price tag that will not require you to re-mortgage the house?  Well we took all these factors into consideration, got some of the best movies to watch on Home Theater, heated up the popcorn and got down to some serious research.  

Hopefully our research below will narrow down the search for your ultimate home cinema experience and get you back watching Die Hard the way it should.

Samsung Electronics HT-D6500W

Energy 5.1 Take Classic

KEF KHT3005BL 5.1

Definitive Technology Pro Cinema 800

Sony HT-CT150 3D Sound Bar

Samsung Electronics HT-D6500W

Aperion INTIMUS 5B Harmony SD

Bose CineMate GS Series II Digital

Denon DHT-391XP 5.1 Channel

Klipsch HD 500 Compact 5.1

Jaws really does come to life.

So you have gone out against your better half’s advice and bought the biggest, baddest, home theater system in the market?  With enough surround sound to fully immerse you in the movie and have you reaching for the popcorn immediately?  Or in most cases piss the neighbours off so much that they stop talking to you and ignore your morning greetings.

But what are the close action classic’s or ground breaking movies out there that are really going to set your neighbours a fluttering and your ear drums a pounding? This best list of movies for your home cinema has been compiled based on the immersion factor that not only draws you into the action through effects but through the well thought and entertaining plot.

Saving Private Ryan

Star Wars

Gladiator

Top Gun

Black Hawk Down

The Lord of the Rings

The Matrix

The Incredibles

Sin City

Bourne Supremacy

Big douchebag!

The definition of a Douchebag is as follows:

• Douche.bag: or simply douche, is considered to be a pejorative term. The slang usage of the term originated in the 1960s. The term usually refers to a person, usually male, with a variety of negative qualities, specifically arrogance and engaging in obnoxious and/or irritating actions, most often without malicious intent.  - Source: Wikipedia

The above can sum up so many people that call themselves celebrities but who are the biggest douche’s of them all? Who makes you want to punch the TV/Magazine/Computer when their douchee little faces turn up? Well this has been an exceedingly tough list that has divided the office and no doubt will stir up a few of you.

So let’s get into it:

1. Tiger Woods – Here’s a good idea, let’s call a press conference and talk about all my wrong doings, cry a little and ask for forgiveness?   I’m sorry but who in their right mind would feel sorry for a billionaire douche bag who has seemingly banged a small town’s worth of woman whilst trying to uphold a family man image. Tiger if you are reading; suck it up, go back to you jacuzzi filled with money and hookers and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
2. Donald Trump – Anyone with a book entitled “Think BIG and Kick Ass in Business and Life” and has a hair style which refuses to retire should make it on any douche bag list around the world.
3. Binny Hinn – A very d grade celebrity at best but never the less this douche has been making his millions off the weak and vulnerable  for years.  If he can heal the sick then Michael Jackson should be remembered as a patron saint.
4. Woody Allen – Do people seriously find his movies funny? If so then maybe you belong to his fraternity of Douche Beta Aplha.   He made this list based on his shit movies alone not too mention Soon-Yi Previn.
5. Mel Gibson – I’m the first to admit that I use to love the Lethal Weapon movies and Mad Max but unfortunately it’s not enough for this man who seems to spend is life with his head firmly up his own ass.
6. Bret Michaels – The best way to find love is get a bunch of strippers together, have copious amounts of three ways and see which one doesn’t give you some for of gentile disease.  Then you will know she is the one Bret. Good luck douche bag.
7. Lindsay Lohan – When an actor is more famous for going to rehab, crashing a few cars and having a lesbian relationship then you really have to question your place in life.
8. Russel Crowe – This man takes himself far, far to seriously.  Nothing really standout, he is just an all round ill tempered douche.  It must be bad if neither Australia or New Zealand want to claim him as their own.
9. Paris Hilton – Simply put, vacuous.
10. Orlando Bloom – There is no way I could set though any movie that involved Orlando.  This guy is douche on so many levels and not just hi inability to act.

3D Movie Experience

With all the 3D movies coming out these days it does make us think about some of the great movies that could have been done (and maybe still can be done) in 3D.   Whilst this list might be slightly bias to our own tastes it could be the start of something big….maybe the movie producers will listen to The Quick Ten and start re-producing some of the below movies.  Or maybe they will stick to what they know best, making bucket loads of cash.

However if the producers of Street Dance 3D are listening, please, please, please never ever make this shit again.  It’s bad enough in 2D let alone some angry teenager “battling” in 3D.  I mean come on people!

1. The Matrix – the first and original one only please.
2. Alien – I remember weeing my pants slightly to this when watching it in 1990 via VCR  11 years after it’s release so I’m sure in 3D I might actually shit my pants.
3. Top Gun – Goose dying in 3D, bad but Maverick taking down some Mig’s, good.
4. Die Hard – this is where our bias comes in but I mean you would have to be crazy not to want to see Bruce Willis bleeding and shooting in 3D?
5. Star Wars Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back – The best one of them all and no Hayden Christensen in site to ruin a franchise with lines such as; “Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo.”
6. Saving Private Ryan – It would be a brutal watch but a memorable one.
7. Gladiator – We know Russel Crowe is a bit of a knob but Gladiator in 3D? Where is the popcorn and beer please.
8. Ghost Busters – Not crossing the beams would take on a whole new experience.
9. District 9 – This standout movie of 2009 would be amazing in 3D.
10. The Bourne Ultimatum – Bit of a wild card we know but for the raw fight scenes alone this would be brilliant .

Yes, Gym can Kill you dead.

From unrealistic volcanoes to human tornadoes, gingerbread mutants to ginger mullets, behold the most pathetic previews of all time. Forget the voiceover man’s subterranean growl, these terrible trailers are NOT coming to a cinema near you…

1. Eyeball – View Trailer
2. Dr Black, Mr Hyde – View Trailer
3. When Time Ran Out – View Trailer
4. Gymkata – View Trailer
5. The Gingerdead Man – View Trailer
6. Troll 2 – View Trailer
7. Bury Me An Angel – View Trailer
8. The Human Tornado – View Trailer
9. The Thing With Two Heads – View Trailer
10. Megashark vs Giant Octopus – View Trailer

1. Monsters Ball
2. A History of Violence
3. Y Tu Mamá También
4. The Unbearable Lightness of Being
5. The Hunger
6. Unfaithful
7. 9 1/2 weeks
8. Secretary
9. Last Tango in Paris
10. Basic Instinct

I can act, I really can!

It happens to us all, we sit there watching a movie and wonder to ourselves, “how can that actor possibly be successful when they are so shit?”. Well this Top Ten list looks at those very actors who constantly grace the silver screen with their below average acting.
Are The Quick Ten a little jealous? Yes and we must admit we have to give credit where credit is due because these actors are survivors and obviously worth a lot of money……but they are still shit actors. So let the bad times roll.

1. Orlando Bloom
2. Nicholas Cage
3. Jennifer Lopez
4. Hayden Christensen
5. Vin Diesel
6. Jason Statham
7. Lindsay Lohan
8. Hugh Grant
9. Ashton Kutcher
10. Paul Walker

The Usual Suspects

1. The Usual Suspects
2. Psycho
3. 6th Sense
4. Shawshank Redemption
5. Memento
6. Planet of the Apes
7. Se7en
8. Oldboy
9. Fallen
10. Fight Club

Best Film of 2009

Welcome to the very first post for this special little category of “The Quick Ten Recommends”. We aim to bring you the best of the best or worst of the worst depending on the type of recommendation.
So to kick things off we thought we would start with the  Top Blockbuster Movies of 2009 as voted and recommended by the team at The Quick Ten. The recommendations were based on a bit of knowledge, a bit of ‘cool’ value, a small bit of public opinion and a bit of…well just movies that made you come feeling like it was money well spent!
So lets get into it!!

1. Inglorious Bastards – Speaking with fellow bloggers this film is a bit like Marmite, you either love it or hate it. But here at The Quick Ten we loved it. Brad your a Legend! Buy Now
2. District 9 – Simply brilliant. This was by far the most original movie we had seen this year! Sharlto Copley had a truly remarkable performance. Buy Now
3. The Hang Over – I don’t know about any one else but we all laughed out loud at this movie. The unfolding of the night before was brilliantly encapsulated by the cast. Buy Now
4. Watchmen – Rorschach was one of the coolest characters we had seen all year. This movie did not disappoint. Buy Now
5. Zombieland – I saw people walk out during the opening seen hahahaha. I mean surely you knew what you were getting yourself in for? A great dark comedy! Buy Now
6. Terminator Salvation – Phew this one saved the Terminator franchise! If this movie had not been made then it would have been a sad note to end on. Buy Now
7. Up - A movie not really for the kids it seemed. But this tear jerker was fantastic. Buy Now
8. Moon – Sam Rockwell puts on a unique performance in this brilliant movie. Buy Now
9. Taken – Some of the best action sequences from a man over 50. Worst running by a grown woman had to go to Maggie Grace, what are you 5? Buy Now
10. The Hurt Locker – A good movie from left field here! About as left field though as Ralph Finnes and Guy Pierce’s roles in the movie. Buy Now